How do porn blogs work?

It’s he middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I tried having sex with my hubby and that was great but no luck on the sleep. I tried having a few extra orgasms and that didn’t help either. So here I am…I feel like writing.

On the one hand I’m about to violate internet rule #1, don’t feed trolls. On the other hand, I think even folks like Farticus deserve the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he really doesn’t understand how porn blogs work. It’s fair to assume that. After all I didn’t know how they worked when we started this one.

There were two parts to the comments that I feel I should address. One, you were rude and insulting honey. If you don’t like a particular model, fine I can respect that. Just say “Hey not my cup of tea”. I’ll make it a point to try and avoid her in the future. Don’t assume that I know who these women are and what their history in the business is. I don’t have some vast insider knowledge of the big tit industry that many of you gents come by one-handed. If some model out there is on your shit list because she got implants or dissed you at some porn convention…don’t blame me I had nothing to do with it. Two, am I shilling for Voluptuous.com?

DUH!

I have never made it a secret that this entire blog exists for the sole purpose of trying to earn enough dough to take my husband on a much needed and earned vacation. I work for and with my affiliates to promote their models and websites. If I take a few tangents here and there and try and make friends or comment on life, that’s my choice. So on to the topic at hand.

How do porn blogs work?

I like analogies, so I’m going to use one here. Imagine that the internet is like a giant Warehouse Store (like the ones that rhyme with Pam’s Club or LostCo) and that in this analogy porn will be food. Now Pam’s Club sells all kinds of goodies, electronics, sofas, tires, DVDs, and every kind of food you can imagine, and they do gangbusters in business. So you say to yourself “Wow, how can I get a piece of that action?” Well, Pam’s Club is happy to work with you because it’s good for business. So you pay a small fee and you get a little table at the back of Pam’s club to set up whatever you want to hawk.

On top of that, Pam’s Club is going to make you a great deal. They let you go into the back room where the regular schmoes aren’t allowed and pick out any product you want and they’re going to let you set up your table to sell it…and in return for your efforts you get 50% of the profit on any sales. So let’s say you decide you want to sell fruit. Now, everybody likes fruit of some kind, but that’s not focused enough for good marketing, so let’s say you decide that you’re going to sell melons. And not just any melons, but all-natural organic ripe juicy melons, sounds good right?

So you lug your cases of melons from the store room to your booth and you chop and dice and set out nice little samples for people to enjoy as they pass by in their sunday shopping. And you smile and answer questions and keep your booth clean and tidy and put out fresh samples when it’s required. And in return, you ask your customers to buy a nice melon every once in a while, you even load it in their cart for them right from your booth. Convienent. Now, they’re under no obligation to buy it even once it’s loaded in the cart. You don’t get diddly until they actually go to the register at Pam’s Club and scan that credit card. They can abandon that cart anywhere in the store and walk out, or just put your melon on a shelf somewhere and ditch it.

To make matters worse, there are 10 other tables selling melons in your row, so the customers don’t even have to buy from you. And on top of that, Pam’s Club themselves has a big display of melons at the front of the store. But they don’t have free samples and they don’t have anybody working that can tell you about the melons or answer questions, or even tell you a melon joke or cute melon anecdote. So what advantage does a little booth owner have? They have a real live person, and that’s it. We can take criticism, make you special samples, tell you where the beef jerky booth is, and even give you advice on what’s a good buy for the money.

Now on any given day in Pam’s Club, we see hundreds of people come by and take free samples. They chow down and throw away the little plastic cup and walk away. No thank you, no “hey that’s pretty good!”, no empty promise that they’ll come back on thursday to buy some melons from you, nothing. It can get lonely.

Why do we it? Because we get to meet kick ass nice people like ShyButCurious and Paul, or fellow booth owners like KinkyWebmistress, or true melon afficianados like JQ and SmoothieLuv who teach us more about melons that we knew was possible. We get to see the inside of the business. And along the way we get a check every once in a while. Nothing big, not even enough to on vacation with, just enough to know that someone enjoyed our melons.

Why do we close up and walk away? Because invariably those people come along. You know the ones, the white trash family with six screaming kids that run wild through the store. The mom is grotesquely obese and stinks like week old ashtray. The dad is missing teeth and his sweat stained t-shirt is wrinkled and six years past retirement. Oh looky! Here they come along to your booth. You smile and pass out the free samples, expecting nothing. And instead, the Dad takes one bite and spits the melon on the floor and swears loud enough for half the store to hear “This melon fuckin sucks, you bitch!” And he throws the plastic cup at your face and walks away, leaving a mess on the floor, you red-faced and embarrassed, and not realizing that his rudeness was the last straw in your decision of whether you should come back tomorrow.

And that my friend is how bloggers feel about trolls. You’re the white trash of the internet. And like most white trash you never even realize how much you annoy other people. You don’t realize that there is an entire social level above your grasp, where people are actually polite and engage in intelligent honest discussion, even if they disagree. Even if all they want to talk about is big tits.

And now, since you’ve been patient. Here are some free samples of melon…

And if you’d like to buy a melon…

Have a great week! Don’t feed the trolls!

-Jamie